Ways to look at menopause
One way of looking at menopause is to see it as a black
hole – sucking in energy and giving no hint of a future.
This can afflict any woman who sees that changes will have to happen –
are happening – and cannot see where they will end or what will
replace the familiar landscape. Here are alternatives to try on for size:
‘The change’ means no change
For women who wish their lives to continue as they are,
this is an attractive option, at least at the start of the process, and
possibly throughout. Women who are definitely post-menopausal do often
report that, for them, it has not meant any major change. This may partly
be because they can see the continuities between what they do now and
what they did then. Hormonal disturbances, on this model, are a minor
or major form of inconvenience to be smoothed out by the most effective
acceptable method. The point is to get back to normal as soon as possible.
Gradual change
 This
model emphasises continuity and growth. It is easier for those who can
see older women being valued, and thus expect to be valued themselves.
Such women may expect little trouble with hormonal change, or feel able
to reduce their commitments for a while to help their bodies adjust. They
may be expecting family and job changes, perhaps even looking forward
to them, with existing interests they intend to pursue in the free time.
Women identifying with this model are likely to expect any physical difficulties
to be temporary, and thus seek out therapies they perceive as gentle.
These could be aids to relaxation, or forms of medication which they can
vary themselves according to their needs.
Something completely different?
Despite a notion that ‘women today can have everything’,
most of us know that this is not actually possible; there are still only
twenty-four hours in the day. Choices made in the late teens or early
twenties determine much of the future, perhaps particularly for women
because of the impact of child-bearing on every aspect of their lives.
As the social implications of those choices work themselves out, women
at mid-life can face the issue of the options they did not take –
the educational avenues not
pursued, the jobs not applied for, or accepted, the unborn children,
the talents undeveloped. This can lead to grieving for the might-have-beens;
it can also result in a determination to find alternative ways
to explore
previously neglected aspects of oneself.
Within this model, emotional and physical disturbances at menopause are
a sign that something is being neglected or repressed. To treat them as
inconveniences to be medicated out of existence is inappropriate; they
are indications of the need for change. Taking them seriously, and taking
the time to explore where they point, is important. Physically-based help
is not ruled out, but the most fruitful processes will focus on dreams
or creative expression.
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