You and your spirit
Many people move through the first half of life without
having to ask awkward questions about the meaning of it all. After all,
making relationships, earning a living and raising a family take up a
lot of time and energy and seem to justify themselves. In the second half
of life this tends to change.
- The old activities may become less pressing – children
grow up and leave home, paid work may become less demanding – or
even non-existent, if we are made redundant.
- Major crises may develop. The older we get,
the more likely we are to experience serious illness and death in our
families and among
our friends. Marriages which held together for the sake of the children
may fray to ribbons when the children leave home. We may ourselves experience
health problems which force us to rethink our lives.
- Some people spend a lot of effort and energy
working for causes in which they believe. When we are young, all may
seem to be achievable
with a little more effort; as we get older, we become more and more knowledgeable
about the difficulties. Whether this is cynicism or realism depends
on
your point of view, but progressive disillusionment with a much-loved
cause can for some people be as devastating as the same process in a
marriage.
- Some psychologists, notably Jung and Erikson,
argue that it is a natural development to ‘grow out of’ a
pre-occupation with the outside world as we get older, and that we
should expect to cultivate
our inner life instead.
All of these may trigger uncomfortable explorations
of ‘what is
it all for’. Aaron Antonovsky argues
that making meaning is a health promoting activity. It
may not, however, be an easy one to do entirely independently, even though
finally the answers
are ones we have to find ourselves.
Questions like this are spiritual ones, and in Western society today
there is a wide variety of groups who offer answers, or ways to find
answers.
Religious groups have traditionally been the experts on meaning, and
those who belong to an established religion are likely to turn to it
for pointers
to follow. Others may wish to explore a new faith, a new branch of
their old faith, or to take up a practice like Yoga or Tai Chi which has both physical and spiritual aspects.
Making meaning in the second half of life
Older women tend to be eclectic – they do it their way. So whether you’re facing the void, or hemmed in by more challenges than you can list:
- you may be asking new questions about the meaning of life
- you may want a group which shares your current concerns
- you may have new issues and need new ideas to help you resolve them
You could be looking for:
- something to help you break out of the box
- something to help you follow your dream
- something to help you sort out the world – or, at least, your bit of it.
You might also want:
- something to help you face the hard things – death in the family, empty nest, empty bed, physical limitations… (click here to read Catherine's story).
- something to help you change your approach to nurturing
- something to move into the place of action, ambition or achievement
Spirituality at its best balances nurturing and challenge. Most spiritual communities struggle with the balance between caring for others and caring for oneself, and none of them could get it right for an individual all the time – finally, we have to handle that ourselves. If your life at present is turning up more challenges than you can comfortably list, let alone handle, finding ways to nurture yourself may be the main thing you need at this stage – and this, in its turn, may be the over-riding challenge.
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In the 1960s Valerie Saiving wrote an article on women’s besetting sins which still seems very relevant today. She said that most of the sins condemned from pulpits for generations are ones to which men rather than women are prone; the male preachers understood the male members of their congregations very well, and exhorted them to control their tendency to a wide range of selfish behaviours. Women, however, have been socialised to look after other people and their besetting sins are different. We do not focus on our own talents and the desirability of developing them, we do not put effort into identifying what our unique contribution is. Instead we get bogged down in trivialities, and in ministering to the needs of others, which are not necessarily as important as we think- or as they think. Sounds familiar?
At midlife our hormonal changes provide us with a firm push in a particular direction – less preoccupation with others’ needs, more energy spent following our own personal stars. Even if your life leaves little room for this at present, it is important to use what space you have – and to keep an eye open for ways of expanding it in the future. |
Elisabeth Frink's Walking Madonna |
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