You and your feelings
Menopause has a reputation for being an emotionally
stormy period in a woman’s life. Most women have a lot of changes
to handle during their menopausal years. The mix of family, work and health
changes is different for everyone, but being part of ‘the middle
generation’ tends to result in expectations from older and younger
relatives, friends and colleagues. Women are used to being expected to
care, and often expect it of themselves; around menopause the demands
may increase to levels which feel impossible.
After menopause, women’s bodies produce less of the hormones which
foster a willingness to nurture others (Northrup).
It should thus become easier to balance requests for help from others
with the importance of maintaining oneself. Making this adjustment, however,
is not easy. Both we ourselves and those for whom we care may have got
used to endless giving and find it unnatural to do things differently.
Those who have been benefiting are unlikely to welcome this shift, and
may step up demands. It is easier to pin labels on middle-aged women than
to be braced to stand on one’s own feet. It is not surprising that
menopausal women have a reputation for emotional explosiveness!
Nonetheless, reviews of research on women’s mental health identify
no good evidence which links mental illness with the menopause (Ballinger, Pearce et al).
In fact studies suggest a greater incidence of mental illness in women
in the
years before the menopause – perhaps when the demands are piling
up but the hormonal permissions for self-nurturing are not yet available?
Mid-life can often provide reasons to remember and review difficult periods
in earlier life - the illness or death of relatives with whom relationships
were difficult, for example. Children growing up can remind us of how
we were at their age – sometimes a bitter-sweet memory, sometimes
very painful. Opportunities for younger friends, or members of the family,
can remind us of what we missed. We may need time to grieve for our wounds,
or our younger selves, and time to work out what to do next. Trying to
ignore the distress and carry on cheerfully is another root of emotional
storms at menopause – sometimes it is just not possible to forget
about the past.
All this means that women in mid-life, or menopause, have extra reasons
for needing to look after themselves emotionally. For ideas you might
like to try:
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