Caring for yourself
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Give yourself time and space on your own and
defend it. This needs to be a period when you do something just for
you,
with no need to have anything to show for it at the end of the time.
Go for a walk, treat yourself to a bubble bath, read a book, rescue
a hobby – whatever feels restful and right for you. Rebecca
Abrams argues that everyone
needs play in their lives, and many women have very little of it.
Experiment with different frequencies and lengths of time –
some people prefer (or can only manage) ten minutes a day, others
a longer time once a week. More is good when you can get it. (See Time for Yourself).
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Consider keeping a journal – private to
yourself, of course. Some write, some prefer to draw how they feel.
You don’t have to be good at either skill – this is only for you,
not your public! See Time for Yourself
for books on keeping a journal.
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Look at family stories differently – what
else was going on in the lives of your mother
and your aunts, at menopause? For further reading, try Marion
McGoldrick .
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Share with other women of the same age and
stage – these
may or may not be your existing friends.
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Join a group exploring feelings and ideas. This
could be focussed on menopause, (in which case check whether it only
covers HRT and hot flushes, or enables a broader-based exploration
of mid-life issues), or a more general personal growth group. Find
out who is running the group, and a bit about how it works. Ask about
confidentiality and how they handle it. If you don’t feel comfortable
with them, or the way they work, don’t join.
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Talk to an individual – health
professional, therapist, counsellor, someone from your religious group
if you have one. Again, if you aren’t comfortable with them
or their process, don’t use them, or don’t continue if
you don’t feel it’s doing you any
good. Asking friends for recommendations is often
a good
idea.
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You could also consult the British Counselling Association’s website to help you identify registered counsellors and therapists in your area and find out a little about them.
If your problem is around relationships with a partner, Relate specialise in this area.
If you’re feeling really dreadful and need someone to talk to immediately, ring the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90 (UK) or 1850 60 90 90 (Republic of Ireland)
or contact them on line. You don’t need to be suicidal – they are there to listen to anyone who needs a listening ear.
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Try on-line advice or support. Susun
Weed, author
of New Menopausal Ways, has a website which offers techniques
for looking after yourself emotionally and spiritually
as well as physically.
If you want an online discussion group, you
could try Power
Surge,
a long-established American site. There is also
Susun
Weed's Wise Woman Forum, another American site. The
US has also produced Minnie
Pauz, a menopausal humour site
The UK site Menopause
and Beyond was set up to provide a forum
for discussion as well as a support for informed decision-making.
It
was archived in 2002, but material on the experience of being
menopausal will not date!
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